Of Bombay Rains.

It's been there.
There since I can remember...
And it's been complicated. a little less overwhelming now, because the passion has diminished a little. But i know how it was. i'm going to say it in simple present tense, though the rains are over now.

It's a passionate relationship.
It's that kind of love that you wish you didn't get.
The love of bombay rains
is like the love of a passionate, foolish man.
it comes into your life like a storm and totally takes it away from you. totally destroys it.
he is unpredictable, he is insensitive, you have no idea why you bear with him. he's like an annoying arrogant 4 year old, but you can't help it. you long for him. you long for him so much that you'll go upto his feet and beg for him to come back.
helplessly wait for him. carry an umbrella everyday, just in case. you know if he does arrive, you're not going to open it. you'd rather get drenched! but you think may be he'll see that you're carying it and be pleased.
Little do you know that your actions have no bearing on this bastard's whims. You may have a personal relationship with him but his relationship with you, is strictly impersonal.
you are just someone he happens to oerwhelm when he felt like overwhelming someone.

but he will listen to you. none the less. be caring, and loving. he will appear to give you everything he has and you would feel 'he is mine. all mine.'
and then his love will be too much. he'll come to your doorstep any time of the day and shatter your plans. He'll take away your loved ones frm you. sometimes forever. he'll depress you with his constant outpouring and his tiring streak of conversatios and questions that are no doubt redundent and demanding at the same time.

He'll confine you to his embrace and you'd begin to hate him. you'd want out.
you'd want to breathe freely.
you may even want to see the sun now.

The sun is reliable. he's not as interesting, but he does his job. he's a solid support. he does not bother you at odd hours. he's very predictable, sometimes boring i must say, but then, you can live with boring people if they are functional. why desire the sly and insensitive bastards who will never be there when you need them? why be treated like a doormat?
Why not be wise and go with the one who you can rely on. Who's loyalty you can trust with your eyes closed. Your childhood friend who has been with you all your life. the person you have never felt the least bit of attraction for, but who has never hurt you!

You decide it's over.
I hate this Rain. i want to see the sun now.
you curse you abuse you fight you try to break free and the rain leaves you.

for a time it's good.
You feel the sun's warmth day in and day out. you like this dry feeling. you admire the sun for his forgiveness.
I'm a morning person now!
You are a changed person. you are not that dark witch that loved the clouds and the demonic rain.

But inside, you are.

it comes back to you like an addiction.
There's nothing wrong with the sun, really, just that he's so dry! he has no sense of humour you know!
The heat bothers you. his light, his honest light becomes a glaring problem.

and you long for the rain again.
You wait you beg, you scream
and it happens again.
but not everytime.
so you can never know.

for these four months, you become a woman in an abusive relationship.

I become the rain.